Anyone know where I can get some fangs??

Ok so the hubby's still not back, I had 19 people over our small house for Thanksgiving and I cannot put out my mountains of Christmas Decorations until the hubster arrives, which is probably going to drive me nuts.

So what's a girl to do?

I am now planning a super blow out 13th Birthday for my daughter. This will be her last party with her friends here in Kansas so we've decided to do it up. I gave her a few them ideas and of course she choose the one I have no idea how to pull together...Twilight. I've read the book and stood in line with her to see the movie, and I dig it. I just can't quite seem to pull it all together in my mind. The only thing she's requested is a celtic scroll design on her invitations and throughout the party and fangs for her teeth, cool ones, not the dollar store variety. I have approximately 30 days to pull it all together...this should be interesting.

Shaky, and cold and warm, and pukey

I feel terrible today...I am actually going to try and see if I can leave work and go home, something I never do.


I feel really bad, but I read this and thought get over yourself.

You sound like crap

Why is that when you're sick people have a way of making you feel worse. Please do not tell me I sound like crap or look crap...right now I am crap, feel like crap and possibly even smell like crap, so thanks genious for pointing out the obvious. And if one more person tells me to go for the day I may scream, because I have no one here to do my job!!!!! I can't go home when I'm sick, my co-worker is a completely irresponsible nasty fully time employee with what she must assume to be part time hours and so only comes in on days she feels like and someone has to be here. so no I can't go home.

This also means that as I skulk around the building with my crappy body, you better believe I am infecting all of you...haha!

This probably make no sense at all, I've had way too much Theraflu today.

A Letter of Historical Signifigance

Dear V,

I am so very very overwhelmed by this election, what a landslide. I hope fact that Obama being such a historian that he learns the lessons of those who came beforehand him. He has the Senate behind him and it's a very historic time for all of us. I hope that if you are a god fearing man that you pray for tolerance and a will for all sides to work together because I believe that we will need those prayers. I listened to the excitement from our children tonight and my sister's excitement tonight being able to vote for the first time in her life and it all gives me goose bumps.

We all need to move together and we all need to look to the future for our children and the future of our country and this is the man who will bring this to us. After such a long long election Obama owes not one person anything he has made no promises of cabinet positions to anyone and his campaign started from a literal grass roots organization and grew to be the largest ever, look at what this man has accomplished.

It gives me so much hope and I am vesting all of my hopes and dreams in our newly elected president. I will go to bed tonight praying for tolerance from the naysayers and a willingness for both sides to come together and see this for the "new day" that it is and I will dream that we will rebuild this great country that you and so many of our friends fight for and give up so much of yours lives to leave your families and bring democracy to lands that need it, I will dream and pray that this is the new beginning that we all need, red and blue state, black and white, women and men, we are now all in this together as we always have been.


I love you and truly believe this will improve your career and your service to your country, I am proud that the highest commander you will be serving is a young man who rose from nothing and climbed to the highest position in this land. This is our Man on the Moon, this is our generations historic moment.

I hope I will wake up with birds chirping in the morning knowing that you will be home with your family very soon and we can live this excitement together.

Come home to me soon.

Love

E

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

We love our Holiday's around here! Typically we go way overboard in the decorating, gift giving and general merry making that comes with the late year holidays but it's very important to us to do so! If you don't believe me just look at what the kids and I had going on in our small 1400 square foot house last year. This year will be even more special, the most wonderful guy in the whole world should with all my fingers and toes crossed be home for the first time in a ridiculously long time. I have dream of snuggling in front of one of our 5 Christmas trees with him and a cup of hot chocolate. I have huge Martha Stewart type dreams for this upcoming holiday season and I am hanging on with everything I have hoping they all come true!

Trashy is Fun!

This weekend I had a White Trash Bash at the house! It was a BLAST! I went to Goodwill and picked up new pictures for the house, went to Wal- Mart grabbed some awful fabric to throw over our couch as well as potted meat, PBR, Boones Farm and Pickled Pigs Feet.

It was a busy day for me the day of the party so I was smart enough to do most of the decorating the evening before. Everyone showed up and blew me away with their outfits. This may have been the best party we've had as far as attire goes. I would definitely do this again in! It was easy, cheap, and I consider the whole party to be a big charitable donation since most of the decor was purchased from Goodwill and will all be going back to Goodwill for re-selling.

The Sureal Life

I can't seem to write anything lately, there' so much going on yet I can't put it into words. I'm having this same problem while talking to the hubster and unfortunately he's taking it as me being "emotionally withdrawn" I guess these are the problems couples have after being separated by distance for over 12 months.


It's getting old

Mother Warriors

My son is a beautiful, smart, loving boy, you wouldn't know it by looking at him, but he has Autism. When A was diagnosed, I felt completely lost, I didn't want to deal with the fact that my baby, was not "normal", I sunk myself into denial and went about raising our family as I had before the diagnosis was made. Life was so busy then, we had moved to our new home in Kansas a few months before, I worked full time, V an enormous work load as he geared up for his deployment and I had 2 other children who had very busy schedules as well. My way of coping with things has always been denial, it's easier for me to pretend that the big elephant in the corner just blends in with the wall paper rather than get up close to it and deal with it.
A and I have been struggling this last year, there are things even my closest friends don't know because I fear they won't understand. When people who have no idea what I am dealing with tell me it's normal that my almost 9 year old son chews his shirts until there are holes in the collar, I have thrown away 9 shirts in the last week. Or that it's normal that the first time my son looked me directly in the eyes to "talk" to me was in July when his soul was completely crushed after being kicked out of summer camp. Or that A is an outsider with his peer group, partly of his own volition and partly because I think A makes other children understandably nervous with some of his "radical" behavior, but all of this is "normal" behavior to friends of mine who make me feel small when I feel like I just need to vent, they make me feel like I'm full of it that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I guess if A had a tumor growing out of the side of his face, then people would understand my feelings, but because A's "deformity" is not visible by the naked eye, then people assume I have a spoiled child that needs more discipline (spanking A does not work his pain receptors barely work) IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!! I am all alone in this, fighting for my child, and I just want someone to HEAR me! Honestly listen without judgement's without prejudice without one upping me with a story about your own child! I am lost here and I need someone to be here with me through this! I need someone who will understand.

I've just finished Reading Mother Warrior's by Jenny McCarthy and it's amazing! One story in particular was so close to A's story that while sitting on the plane trip from Washington DC to Chicago I had tears streaming down my face. It's an amazingly touching collection of stories of Parent's recovering their children's autism and facing down the critics with amazing strength, they give me hope!

**The Picture above is of A and his best friend, his Dad, on the day he left for his Deployment**

Economic Crisis

What a whirlwind my trip to DC was! I will eventually settle in and write all about it, in the mean time, the oldest has a terrible cough, the youngest is having a mental breakdown, the dog has fleas, and the house is in shambles.

My middle kiddo is great though, so there is always that silver lining.

Exhaustion

I am overly exhausted lately! There is just so much that I have to do. Today I will be heading out to buy supplies to make Welcome Home banners with the Family Readiness Group this weekend, something that wasn't supposed to happen til the following weekend but had to move up thanks to last minute requirements from others. Of course I will be doing this after a work thing I said I would help with on Friday night and Saturday morning, all while packing for my trip to D.C., yep I leave for D.C. on Sunday evening, oh and on Thursday I have to be at Dakota's first home football game, and then I need to make sure all of the laundry is done before I leave for my trip and go shopping for the kids so that they will have food to eat while I'm gone.

There's not enough time!!

How about a quick game of catch up...

So this last weekend was a crazy whirlwind...here's a breakdown in key words...


300 funnel cakes

business in the front party in the back

who doesn't put the living room in the front yard

I can't find anything to buy with my free gift card

that's a big sandwich

how about a glass of vododka?

Menu Plan Monday

This week is another busy one for us so I kind of thought this would be a cool way to help stay on to of things...

Monday- Mojo Steaks with Baked Potatoes and fresh green beans

Tuesday- Pesto Italian Chicken Pizza

Wednesday-Rissoto with spinach and ham

Thursday- Spaghetti with Italian Sausage

Friday-Pot Roast with chocolate chip cookies for dessert

Saturday-Cajun Chicken Pasta

Sunday-Hummus Pitas with new potato salad on the side

I love it!

Vintage Thingie Thursdays

I have a lot of "favorites" in my house. My husband knows that in our many moves there are those things that I would probably fall apart if I did not have, my art work is a huge one of those things, but the 1950's Cocktail tray above is like a security blanket to me. Years ago my parents had a house full of vintage goodies and I fell in love with almost everything. I acquired this cocktail tray from my mother as well as quite a few other great vintage pieces I will be saving for later, and it makes me feel like home. My parents no longer live in the house I grew up in, so I can't honestly go "home" anymore and with our extremely transient lifestyle, having special pieces that can make you feel warm inside is so very important. So I hope on our next upcoming move that this tray makes it safely and can start making our next house feel like home.

Participate in Vintage Thingie Thursdays at Confessions of an Apron Queen

Making an Ass out of myself is what I do best

I'm one of those people who hates taking time off from work. It took me a year to make the doctors appointment for the thing on my back, I'm usually so swamped with doctors appointments for the kids that I put myself on the back burner. So today when I leave work to go to the doctors I expect to be back within 2 hours, not still sitting in the waiting room 2 hours after my designated appointment time. My patience which was already thin was shot when once I was seen by the doctor he told me I was booked for a follow up for a procedure that had yet to be done, the procedure I was there for. They could not do what they needed to today because they did not block the right amount of time out and therefore I would have to come back. I won't be going back, I don't have time to go back. I have zero confidence in this doctor and his staff who can't book a proper procedure. I threw a shit fit, complete with slamming the door open and stomping out 2 year old style, you should have been there it was so cool, NOT! And yes the pity party I held for myself on the car ride home included tears of complete frustration. I missed almost a whole day of work for nothing, nothing at all. Even if I wanted to go back and try again there's no time, between my already ridiculous schedule and upcoming conference in DC I am swamped.

So my twin with hair & teeth as Dale likes to call it will be hanging around for a while longer. Sweet.

Hair & Teeth??

So I sitting patiently in the waiting room of my Doctors office waiting for them to cut a lump out of my back. This sounds worse than it is. Its nothing bad, but it doesn't make me any less nervous. My nervousness was compounded when at my last visit the Doctor doing the incision shared with me the results of his traumatic brain injury. Hopefully he still has steady hands.

Oh and yes babe if it comes out wit hair and teeth they will keep it for you to see whan you come home, you're gross.

Hey DJ Play my song!!!

So in our house we're not real morning people...well ok I'm not a morning person and Aidan yeah he's definitely not but the other two kiddos are probably decent morning people. So I have been trying to find a way to combat my morning crankies and not send the kids off to school with my bad morning mood. Now every morning we take my Ipod ( I originally typed this as eyepod :) plug it into the speakers and the kids each get a turn to play DJ. We have a ton of music in this house, we love music, at last count our cd count was up to almost 2 million (slight exageration), so to say the kiddos have lots to choose from is putting it mildly. Here's how today's playlist has sounded so far this morning

Mom's 1st Choice- The Beatles "Here Comes the Sun"

Maddy's 1st Choice (for Aidan she said to try and get him out of bed)-Green Day "Boulevard of Broken Dream"

Mom's 2nd Choice- Tom Petty "American Girl"

Maddy's 2nd Choice- Cake "Love You Madly"

Dakota's 1st Choice- Bob Marley "3 Little Birds"

Aidan's real 1st Choice- The Eurythmics "Sweet Dreams"

Mom's 3rd Choice- Damien Rice "Cannonball"

Maddy's 3rd really 4th choice- Incubus "Drive"

Dakota's 2nd Choice- Aqualung "Strange & Beautiful"

Aidan's 2nd Choice- Franz Ferdinand " Take me Out"


And after all of those groovy tunes I sent each kid out the door headed to school with head phones in their ears and I-Pod shuffles attached to their shirts. I hope this makes for a good school day and that they don't get their I-Pod's confiscated.

Vintage Thingies Thursdays

When I was in middle school I fell in love with vintage clothing and almost all things vintage. The summer before my freshman year in high school my mother took me school shopping at some of the finest vintage clothing stores we could find in the Tampa Florida area and we hit pay dirt at one store that was going out of business. I found so many amazing pieces that I was completely outfitted for that school year and at a small price of $100.00. My most treasured prize found that day was a 1950's cocktail dress in perfect condition for $5.00. I loved this dress more than anything and when homecoming came around I was very excited to wear the dress to homecoming. To say I stood out a bit from all of the mermaid and early 90's ball gown type dresses is putting it mildly, but I never felt more beautiful in my whole life. I still have the dress to this day and I hope my daughter who is already showing signs of loving vintage herself will wear the dress. I don't have a wedding dress to pass down to her but I do have a lovingly cared for $5 vintage cocktail dress that feels like magic when wearing it and that I think makes me happy to have saved it!

If you're in the Tampa area one of my favorite vintage clothing stores is still around in Ybor City on 7th st, you can't miss it, if they had a website I would post it but I have been going there since 1988 and the store almost feels like home to me!

Is it Halloween yet?

I am so very very ready to start decorating for Halloween and Fall! Last year I was completely against white pumpkins but this year I kind of dig them. That just shows you how fickle my tastes are, it's amazing I've kept my husband around so long (wink wink). I love this time of year!! October was always the best month in our house growing up. It was the month that my over worked mother would actually slow down a bit and get some decorations out and make our Halloween Costumes and she would start cooking delicious things like Pumpkin Soup and make Pumpkin Bread and we would go in search of amazing Pumpkin Ice Cream! I plan on making and doing some of these things with my own kiddos this year!!

Here are some of my current Halloween/Fall plans for the kids and I

1. Go to the Pumpkin Patch
2. Find some cool branches to spray paint black
3. Find a new costume for M and D, preferably making one at home
4. Make Toasted pumpkin seeds with the kids after we carve awesome pumpkins!
5. Make a cool Halloween vignette in the front yard, complete with grave stones, dead trees scare crows bats and more!
6. Make pumpkin bread as a family

I am very excited now!

Scared

I am really very scared for the first time since he left. If he weren't to come home I can't imagine what I would do, if there was a knock on the door I'm not sure I could go on. This is too much.

When the cat's away

So today I pretty much have the office to myself. IT's nice and quiet and allows me the chance to catch up on doing what I call "Internet Nothingness" or IN. This is basically where I look at things on the internet that I never have time to. I am currently reading up on how to do silhouettes of our family, which I think will make awesome Christmas gifts this year for my mother. I am also reading a ton of blogs and generally "lurking" in on other people's lives. I should be working but I'm alone so I don't think anyone will notice.

I have decided that I would like to be a stay at home mom for a while, you know try it out and see if I really will go crazy as I have always claimed or if that's just an excuse that I make up to cover up the guilt and jealousy I have when talking to SAHM's. This is definitely something to talk about I think with "V" and see what he thinks.

***Update*** I am still sitting here checking out more IN, and adding new blogs I'm finding to my blog roll...in case you were wondering.

Did I tell you...

That we are indeed moving once again. We're heading back to the East Coast, and I am so EXCITED!!! I almost wish we were leaving sooner! I love to move and see new places and experience new things! I've loved our time in Kansas and I've made some great friends but its time for us to move on. I'm now super absorbed with learning all there is to learn about what will be our next new home town. So the next few months will be so very busy, we'll be living our everyday lives while getting ready to finally welcome Dale home and then send him off again to go to school then we will all join up together at out new home ( we may even buy a house like real adults) and then maybe after all of that craziness we can settle down for a bit. We'll be ready once it's all said and done to just be able to relax.

The BIG 3-0

I turned 30 yesterday. It wasn't quite the momentous or terrifying occasion I thought it may have been. It was a rather good day, but fairly normal,I still came home to my children listening to loud shitty music while laundry sat to be folded and homework was left undone. A friend did take me out for a few delicious margaritas which was great.

I feel like I should make some major changes in my life now that I'm 30, like quitting smoking or losing weight, or just generally not being such a Debbie Downer but I think I'm just as lazy in my 30's as I was in my 20's so I would probably never accomplish any of that so why try.

Greetings from homeworkland!

It's not so nice here in homework land. The air is kind of stuffy and everyone seems grumpy. There are no disgustingly cheesy tourist t-shirt shops where I could buy a t-shirt that say " I went to Homeworkland and all I got was this lousy t-shirt", homeworkland is not cool enough for cheesy tourist t-shirt shops.

This is the part of going back to school I dread the most. The crazy thing is a few blog posts back I swear I said "Yeah Summer is over and life goes back to normal", why didn't you punch me?? Why didn't you say "hey you sill cow, going back to school means months in homeworkland".

Doing homework with my kids has never been fun, I have friends with crazy kids who actually enjoy doing their homework...that's right I said they enjoy it. My children not so much, my children will do anything and I mean anything to scrape by. I can only imagine that this is a genetic abnormality passed down to my children from my side of the family seeing as I stabbed my mother with a number 2 pencil in the hand one evening when I was around 8 years old as she tried to help me with my homework. Luckily my kiddos have yet to hear this story and so my appendages are all safe, but my emotional state of being is not as lucky.

If we make it to the end of the year, no scratch that, if we make it to the point where Dad shows up and joins us on our extended vacation to homework land I will be amazed.

A Proud Moment

I kept the kids up tonight to watch the DNC coverage tonight. No matter what your personal politics may be history was made.

The most amazing thing that happened tonight in my house was when my soon to be 14 year old son looked at me and said he hopes that Barrack Obama whether elected or not inspires better presidencies in the future, thankfullyI think my kiddos get it!

Don't Be a Douche Bag

Why you are chilaxin on the computer stop playing World of Warcraft for 5 seconds and check out
www. jenandchelsea. com I taught one half of the duo everything she knows...well maybe that's a lie but I did stop her from getting a unnecessary plastic surgery many years ago and so for that I know she is forever appreciative! So go now!

I drive even myself nuts!

I am on a typical day very good with making decisions...for other people. When it comes to myself I find it very difficult making decisions. I recently was presented with an opportunity for an all expenses paid trip to Washington D.C. for a conference and I was really really torn on weather or not I should go. There were so many things holding me back, what would I do with kids, what about the dog and holly crap my boss is going to flip if I ask. After much mulling it around I told my mother about it, I don't know why I didn't ask her to begin with, but she very quickly settled it for me and told me to go and enjoy it. So I'm going and I just cannot wait. The best part is we will be moving to that general area next year and so I can get a slight lay of the land hopefully while I'm there and then I can be V's tour guide when we explore together after our move.

Go Fish

I was listening to someone go on and on the other day about immigration in particular immigrants from Mexico and as with a lot of times their views completely differed with mine, so I put some thought into it and have come up with my own immigration plan that I would like to submit to the lawmakers.

There are several people who absolutely drive me crazy, celebrity and people I just know, these people contribute almost nothing to society and making it a better more productive place. So I propose that we take these people, you know the Heidi Montag's, Lauren Conrad's, Spencer Pratt's and people I cannot name of our country and trade them. So for every one of them that we give to Mexico for example, we could take 7 hard working Mexican's who would like to come and contribute to our society. People who have no problem getting actual job's and maybe even using more than a couple of their brain cells.

It's just a thought and of course I need to smooth out some of the rough edges, but it's a start.

When life hands you lemons

Lately have had this feeling like I don't really belong anywhere. Not at home, work, with friends really anywhere. I'm not usually insecure but recently things have happened that have made me feel insecure and I'm not quite sure how to get over it, it's one of those situations where you just want to lock yourself up in the house and not deal with it, I just don't want to be around the people who made me feel this way in the first place. So what do I do? These are the time I desperately wish my husband was home for the moral support when I go through these stupid drama filled times.

I'm Alive!

Barely but I am alive. Life has been interesting to say the least in the last few months. Life changes rapidly and just keeping up sometimes can be quite a challenge. We've survived our half way point, and made all the way through R&R. R&R was amazing we had an absolute blast and I made sure I savored every minute of it.

So now it's back to work and back to Iraq oh and let's not forget thank god the kids will be heading back to school. Life will be getting back to "normal" whatever that means in my house.

Why???

If you were my friend would you assume I would steal from you??? Right from your own home while you were there?? I consider myself a good person, one who is always giving, planning and being there for my friends so the fact that one of them would consider me a thief hurts really bad. Oh and let me also say I'm pissed, way pissed, because if I wanted your stuff believe me I can afford to buy it... I won't steal your used belongings...never ever... it's way beneath me. So get over yourself stop believing the crap and have the balls to deal with me and not post it all on "Myspace" and expect me not to be bothered at all. My actual friends don't treat me like that.

Halfway There

So we're now halfway through this ridiculously long deployment and it should be a relief but somehow I just feel bummed because it's not over yet. These deployments are way too long. It will be a huge chunk out of our lives that he will have missed and it's stuff that we can't get back and no matter how much we chat or email or send pictures there are just something that don't convey and don't get share. My older children are teenagers now and have all the teenage issues that come along with the lovely part of life and my youngest is in emotional upheavel waiting for bad news about his father. No matter how hard I try I cannot shield them from the effects and news stories of this senseless war and we all live in fear that something terrible could happen at any moment. Living like this for us for such a long time will certainly have an effect and I can't imagine living in such fear for so long will once again do to my husband. I hope for my children's sake we will make choices that will protect them from having to deal with these atrocities.

So...

She will live, we are still not a hundred percent sure what's going on but we do know she's going to live which I guess is a good thing.

In the mean time I think I got so worked up over everything that I feel myself starting to unravel. I have never been the most organized person. I have great intentions but those intentions are just that. Making intentions turn into actual action and keeping it that way is a huge problem for me. When I start to unravel, I'm one of those people who just kind of sits back with a defeatist attitude thinking "OK, that's it I give up" all the while letting things get worse and worse. Of course I know what you're thinking, if I know that I do this and I know how bad I can let things go, why not just change it. Well as everyone know things like that are easier said than done and although I dole out some fantastic advice I am typically the very last to take it.

So I am making a 3/4 ways into the new year resolution to be more proactive and get my life together, and back on track. I need to get more organized in all aspects of my life, home, work, life and especially financially. We'll see how I do if I can keep my attitude up and not get manic over it I should be OK.

Oh yeah and after a minor 3lb slip up I am back on my diet. What in the hell is the point in losing any weight if I am just going to gain it all back again??

Are we there yet?

So it's getting closer to Doctor day here and I am dying to know whats going on. I really hope they tell us that day because another $200 trip to the big city is just not something I am looking forward to, which sounds pretty shitty, I mean I would go no problem, and more than the expense I just want to know what's going on! Please don't make us wait to find out!

So we got in...

I emailed the neurologist the results from the MRI, well at least the dictation and they moved our appointment up, not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I know one thing we should hopefully know something soon. Now the other side of this weird issue is that M has a sudden severe case of the dropsies, in the course of a week she has broken 4 plates, 1 vase, dropped 3 bottles of water, a few pieces of pizza and some more things I can't remember. The silver lining is that I hate the plates so maybe by the time the hubster gets home I will be ready to get a whole new set. To say I am worried would be putting it mildly, I have a case of butterflies that just will not go away. The irritating part is that there is probably nothing wrong and I will have worried for nothing. This is what I do though, I worry before it's time to worry. I do this with every aspect of my life. It's pretty damn annoying for everyone around me.

In another news... I'm broke...I just wish there would be a time in my life here I could just relax and not worry about money, this is not that time though. I need a raise, but I would just spend that too.

Like a ton of bricks

So I picked up M's MRI transcription today, and yep it scared the shit out of me when I read it. This whole thing sucks, hopefully we can get into the neurologist soon!

Beautiful Girl

So, life really does have a funny way of bringing you back down to Earth. A few weeks ago my beautiful daughter had an MRI done because she has been having these very unusual movement headaches, it's almost vertigo like but not, they last long enough that she needs to sit out of what she was doing or just sit down, she no longer can run with her friends or go skating or playing soccer or attend her dance classes. Well I called about a week and half ago to see if the results were back and I was told no. Yesterday on the way home from dropping my sister off at the airport our pediatrician called and apologized for not calling sooner but the MRI results had been lost and they didn't realize it (love Army health care) our pediatrician who I really love, said that they did see spot on the MRI. I think I stopped breathing for a minute, he's not sure what it is and neither was the radiologist we have to go to see a neurologist soon. I really thought it was all hormones, and yes I know it may be nothing, but against all my better judgment I can't help but be worried to death and won't stop until we know what's going on. She is my beautiful girl with the amazing smile that has never stopped taking my breath away.

This is how I roll

So it seems I have a high probability of moving again, and for once I am slightly sad about the whole thing. I like here, I don't think it's where I want to live forever, but I am genuinely happy with the environment I've create for myself. I guess my honest feeling is that if I can't be back in Europe for now then I can live wherever "they" decide to move us.

D.C. may be an option, this sounds pretty great to me, usually though when they say things like D.C.'s an option we'll end up in a rather crappy part of the country like Ft Polk Louisiana or somewhere equally as terrible. The only problem with D.C. is that my husband thinks he may be too old for what they would want him to do there. Am I telling him he's not to old for my benefit or his?

If not now, then when?

Have you ever had a song come on at just the perfect time? Like kismet, it was meant to be just for you at that one perfect moment? It says everything you want it to say when you want to say it. It knows how you feel, the songs emits your emotions better than you can. A song like this will blanket you in emotions deeper than your own thoughts could reach? This happens to me frequently and yet I have to wonder is it the song that was meant to be or am I adjusting my thoughts to make the song meant to be?

Happiness

So I've been thinking and like with most people when I think it's never usually a good thing. Except well maybe this time. This time I've been thinking about happy and whether I am or not. I mean my life could have gone so terribly wrong at a million different times. I could have never regained myself after being raped when I was younger and again when I was an adult. I could have been a single teenage mother forever never having finished school and living on welfare, instead I finished school, married my son's father and have always had a roof over my head. I could have married a man who treated me like shit and while many years were rough, he truly loves me and would rope the moon if I asked him too. I could have only had two children and gone through with the abortion I contemplated (honestly with all 3 of them) when I became pregnant again and instead I have another amazing child who shows me everything that is good in the world just as his Brother an Sister do. I could have died of a drug overdose any of the million times I probably should have and instead while I was at my lowest there was still someone there who I could never push fully away even when everyone else was gone and he picked me up and carried me back onto my feet. I could have had a family who never spoke to me again after I buried myself into hole after hole, but instead I have a family who calls me all the time and still says I love you before the end of every phone call. I could have been a million different things that I'm not and yet it's so hard for me to still be happy where I am. What will ever make this different? When will I see the light?

LIfe is...

I'm not sure how life is these days. I run around in a million different directions all the time. It seems like there is constantly some dramatic event or thing occuring in my life at all times. Sometimes I just want to stand in the middle of the street and scream. No matter where I am or what I'm doing someone needs something from me. Husband, Children, Co-Workers, Friends, Family, everyone needs something. It's old and tiring, and I really do not know how to say no. I also have this freakish child like sense that I'm going to miss something, I hate to be alone, if I'm alone then I think, and sometimes thinking just sucks.

I'm still recovering from New Years

So I've been slacking and trying to catch up and get in the groove of the New Year, so in a nutshell or actually in pictures the first month of the New Year and how I've Spent it




I welcomed the New Year in once again in the Little Apple with great friends an no porta potty incidents this year




I've been rocking out pretty much every weekend except when I'm....



Throwing Birthday Parties for children or...



Hanging out with girl friends but pretty much I've been doing a lot of this all month long




Oh and I have been doing this for a month




So anyway I hope that helps catch everyone up a bit, I'm sure there is a ton more but that's the best I can think up right now