New Order

Weird things are afoot with the job I want. I recieved a strange email and it left me feeling umcomfortable and irritated about the job. Seems someone has the idea for a Bizarre Love Triangle, and I'm just not down for it. Good lord could someone just make a decision already.

Digging out!

Holly shit am I swamped today!!! To many things going on!

Oh and I went to an impromptu wedding today, it was different.

To weird for color TV

Yesterday I went to my husband's Brigade Deployment ceremony. While I was sitting in the hot baking sun staring at the huge American Flag standing behind the hundreds on Soldiers standing in formation I started thinking how in the hell did I get here?? Never did I ever go to career day and say I want to be a wife and a mommy when I grow up, much less and Army wife. For god's sake I absolutely love my country, I've traveled all over in different countries and as much as I love those other countries I know life here in the states is pretty sweet. But an Army wife?? But I love it, and I've done it for so long now I'm institutionalized. I get scared at the thought of what will happen when V finally does retire. As much as I don't want it to be part of my identity has become Army wife. Realizing this is strange to me, I mean don't get me wrong I have my own life and I do plenty of things that are MY OWN, but still I have to move when HE gets orders to go somewhere new, I have to change jobs, I have to deal long and numerous deployments, it is a huge part of my life. It's just crazy how far from what I thought it would it be.

Golden Crickets...

I am literally driving myself crazy! Remember this? Well I've done it again. I officially can't find ANYTHING! Seriously I have lost my keys, the upload cord for my digital camera, paperwork, a book for one of my classes, and probably a couple more things I don't even know are missing yet.

I'm blaming it on the Deployment. In fact I'm going to spend the next 15 months blaming everything on the deployment. Everyone will get sick of it very quickly, it'll be great!

As I was leaving work yesterday I reminded my boss that I would be out for sometime today, he very nicely looked at me and said I could have the whole day off. I hope I'm not fired.

I still haven't heard about the new position at work, but I haven't heard of anyone else being considered so maybe I'll get it by default.

The picture is of this lego like set that Office Depot sent me for work, it's great I want the whole set.

There is a cricket in/outside my bedroom that is keeping me up at night. This just may be the loudest cricket I've ever seen. I can't find it in my bedroom even though my room is minimalistic (is that even a word). When I do find the cricket I hope it's like seven feet long and made of gold so I can sell it on Ebay and it will be worth the 5 days of lost sleep I've incurred.

Is it obvious I'm sleep deprived??

I can so relate....

Read this

Champagne Supernova

I went to the first of many goodbyes I will have to say in the next couple of weeks.

It sucked! Typically in the past when V deployed his pager would go off, he would leave and then he would come 6+ months later, we wouldn't talk to him, there was no big fan fare when he left or when he came back.

Then I thought it was terrible and I was jealous of other wives who got all of those things. Now, I'm not sure I want the big fan fare, maybe the way it was, just him leaving with a kiss and a hug is the way to go.


Watching all of the families crying as they said their goodbyes last night really sucked. I was completely drained afterwards.

The worst part was even though V is leaving he is still not getting home from work until 9:30, so much for spending the last days with your family.

I'm going to burst!!!

So there is this new position at work that I really really really want!!! There are quite a few reasons that this position would be good for me and I would be good for it. Now I just have to prove to the people who make the decisions that I can handle it even though my husband will be gone and that they will not get screwed with my current position. This position would put me home in the afternoons with the kids which would be the ultimate, the not so great part would be getting up at the ass crack of dawn, but I will sacrifice and take my Ambien regularly.

Please keep your fingers crossed, I really need this job change!!

I wish...

my oldest child felt this way, or that I wouldn't push him so much to not feel this way.

As seen on Post Secret

Mystery Men

Ok, so I was talking with someone last night at our final Pre-Deployment Briefing and I guess since I work in Radio every Army wife, and I mean it only Army wives seem to do this, thinks they can tell me all about their crappy taste in music. No I don't know what the new Garth Brooks CD is going to sounds like, I don't work in a country station, no I can not get you tickets to the Spice Girl Reunion Tour (although secretly deep down I want to see this as well). I haven't listened to Ace of Base since I was in Middle School, so I have no idea what is going on with them, hopefully they're living comfortably somewhere in Europe.

Why oh why can't find someone who shares my musical taste, which is broad I swear, but really I just want someone to be as excited as I am for the Scarlett Johanson CD covering Tom Waits songs...

Where am I again???

I'm losing it! I just had a panic attack because I've miss placed some papers with some pretty important info on it. I went running home to look everywhere, thankfully my suspended child was home to help me go nuts looking for this paperwork.

30 minutes after searching the same places over and over again, I realized I had the info I needed in one of my e-mail accounts.

My kid now knows I'm crazy, he should worry...

I thought I may have early signs of dementia, until I read this article

I unfortunately don't seem to be losing any weight and continue to tell people I'm trying to lose my "baby fat" from my last pregnancy, you know the one that was 7 years ago...

Is it my turn yet??

I think as a military wife I have a few more obstacles and hurdles to jump over than civilian wives. I'm not saying I'm better just that my life is a bit more unique.

Yesterday I received call from my husband telling me that our son was suspended from school. This is my oldest son, the one who is so sweet and mild mannered, the one I really worry about the most. He has a weight problem, but we're working on it. Kids can be so cruel and I guess he just had enough yesterday and hit someone. In all honesty I'm not mad. The things this other child said to my child had tears in my eyes. I wanted to hit him also. So for the first time and hopefully the last he is suspended from school until Monday.

This got me to thinking though, maybe I shouldn't work outside the home anymore. Maybe I should be at home with them baking cookies and being Suzy homemaker. Maybe while the hubster is deployed I should not work and only work when he is home so I can make sure they have my un-interrupted attention.

I talked to a friend of mine yesterday who is also a working military wife, she found a note in her daughters room from someone saying she gave good blow jobs and she is now on birth control. Her daughter is 14. I don't know why this surprises me when I think how old I was when I started having sex, but it shocks and scares me for my children. She like me has now started thinking that maybe while her husband is deployed she shouldn't be working. This is my biggest fear that I will not do enough to prevent my children from getting an AIDS or using drugs, like all parents I want so much for them.

Why do we feel this would make a difference that when our husbands are gone, why wouldn't we just be stay at home moms all of the time? Somehow I have this added guilt that I brought my children into a life where not only does their mom work, but their Dad will miss a year + of their life on numerous occasions.

Just one more of the wonderful things I get to think about as we start this deployment.

Why do I have to work again?

So my husband has been on vacation for the last week and a half and I was with him every glorious moment for the first week. I finally took time off of work, something I'm not very good at doing. It was different for me to not really have anything to do, even though I had a TON of stuff to do. So V and I did not spend any time really relaxing and enjoying ourselves, instead we spent time getting the kids ready for school and then getting them off to school. I guess that's how it goes though, maybe we're just not the vacationing type.

So now the kids are in school and settled and I am back at work, and everything seems so normal. V is out with his mom playing golf and next Monday he will go back to work and all will be right with the world, except we are saying goodbye to our friends who are already leaving and it's weird watching their respective spouses go through the different emotions. I feel like I'm watching them go through something I won't have to deal with, it's almost like I say to myself "wow that's going to be so tough for her" and never do I really think "wow this going to be so tough for me".

It's 15 months, god 15 months, this sucks...

The one where everyone hate's me for getting mad at him before he deploys

The idea that I should walk on egg shells and not get mad at him for any stupid thing he does before he deploys is absolute horse shit! If you're an ass believe me I am the first to call you out as an ass, even if I'd prefer you would not do the same with me. So when my husband said something to my son last night about his weight issue, I lost it!!! I mean let's be real he doesn't do anything productive about it. He comes home every day and goes to bed early or lays on the couch watching TV/playing video games. Call me crazy for thinking that the last thing my son needs is a lecture from his father before he leaves his life for 15 months. I think I have the right to put my foot down on that one, after all I will be the only parent home for the next 15 months. Every aspect of our children's lives will be resting on my shoulders solely, so yes I have a say. NO I don't want to take all of his parental rights away from just because he's leaving but I would like to I don't know take it down a notch, especially when it comes to such a serious issue as our son's weight.

Of course because I jumped on him he said something pretty hurtful to me, if I had said it to him he would bring it back up a million times, but I am just supposed to forget he said it, even though it will be lingering in the back of my mind the entire time he's gone. So no I'm not jumping up and down to chit chat with you right now and no when you call me and say I'm going to be in such and such town all day and there's nothing to do, I know what you want me to do. You want me to plan an entire days worth of activities for you and your friends. Thanks for caring about whether or not I have the time to be your personal assistant all the times I truly appreciate it.

So you think you can Dance?

This week will hopefully be a quick one, I have Thursday off to attend one "V"'s unit functions and then next week I am completely off so I can spend the first half of "V"'s leave with him. The kid's were going to go to away camp for that week, but they've already been gone to much I'd rather have them stay with us. It's amazing how they can drive me crazy and the second their gone I want them to come back so fast!! It's the same with "V" he drives me nuts, but the minute he's gone I'm going to want him to come back immediately.

It's amazing how far we've come I realized recently, years ago I would have never felt as secure in my marriage as I do now. Years ago I never really believed that V and I would be together forever, we were young and boy did we have our problems. These days my marriage is what I wanted it to be from the beginning. And this is where I hate the fact that he's leaving.

My best friend will be leaving for 15 months and I'm not really sure how to deal with the loss because truly that's what it is, a loss. There are grieving periods and then periods where you know you can make it and then they come home for their R&R and you forget it all for the few short days their home, only to go through the grieving process all over again.

There are all these crazy statistics out there about how these long deployments are very harmful to the mental health of soldiers and their families and yet still we send them out there to live in constant awareness and fear for 15 months. I know that for 15 months my husband will be on edge non-stop. He will come home and not be the same person who left 15 months before. I know that the kids and I will live in constant fear for 15 months, worrying about the possibility that our biggest fear could come true.

So why is it that we really need to go through all of this? Do they really think we're all that strong?

Timeout!

Sometimes I just want to call a timeout on life! There is way to much to do before "V" leaves and just not enough hours to do it all. I need a personal assistant.