Pre-Deployment

This is the first post in a long line of posts to come.

We are currently and have been for over a year in that awkward pre-deployment stage. It's the time before my husband will be leaving for the Middle East, the time when there is more than enough work for him to do in the Army and I already feel he's gone at times because of his long work hours. It's the time when I get so mad that he's leaving and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs because in 12 years of marriage I've had to go through this way to many times. It's the time when I get to prepare myself for 15 months of sleepless nights and single parenting, something I never realized I would honestly have to deal with when I married my soldier and our country was safely not in war. It's a time when I question whether I am really cut out to be an Army wife, oh sure I love my soldier and I can volunteer, and show up to all the spouse functions, but can I really make it through another long deployment without ending up in the nearest psych ward?

Most importantly it's a time when I feel genuinely alone. When even though there are hundreds of other spouses going through the exact same thing that I am, no one can relate to just how I feel. I'm not really sure I can truly relate to how I feel. My mood swings are uncontrollable, I've recently become known as a person who will break out in tears for no reason and god forbid you breath funny in front of me I just may take your head off. Unfortunately my extended family has not been understanding and considerate so in the midst of this long drawn out pre-deployment stage I have lost relationships with my family, the people who I had really originally counted on being there for me through thick and thin and even understanding I may not always be the nicest most stable person prior to sending my husband off to war.

I know it's going to be a long hard interesting 15 months.