Monday, May 5, 2008

Halfway There

So we're now halfway through this ridiculously long deployment and it should be a relief but somehow I just feel bummed because it's not over yet. These deployments are way too long. It will be a huge chunk out of our lives that he will have missed and it's stuff that we can't get back and no matter how much we chat or email or send pictures there are just something that don't convey and don't get share. My older children are teenagers now and have all the teenage issues that come along with the lovely part of life and my youngest is in emotional upheavel waiting for bad news about his father. No matter how hard I try I cannot shield them from the effects and news stories of this senseless war and we all live in fear that something terrible could happen at any moment. Living like this for us for such a long time will certainly have an effect and I can't imagine living in such fear for so long will once again do to my husband. I hope for my children's sake we will make choices that will protect them from having to deal with these atrocities.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

So...


She will live, we are still not a hundred percent sure what's going on but we do know she's going to live which I guess is a good thing.

In the mean time I think I got so worked up over everything that I feel myself starting to unravel. I have never been the most organized person. I have great intentions but those intentions are just that. Making intentions turn into actual action and keeping it that way is a huge problem for me. When I start to unravel, I'm one of those people who just kind of sits back with a defeatist attitude thinking "OK, that's it I give up" all the while letting things get worse and worse. Of course I know what you're thinking, if I know that I do this and I know how bad I can let things go, why not just change it. Well as everyone know things like that are easier said than done and although I dole out some fantastic advice I am typically the very last to take it.

So I am making a 3/4 ways into the new year resolution to be more proactive and get my life together, and back on track. I need to get more organized in all aspects of my life, home, work, life and especially financially. We'll see how I do if I can keep my attitude up and not get manic over it I should be OK.

Oh yeah and after a minor 3lb slip up I am back on my diet. What in the hell is the point in losing any weight if I am just going to gain it all back again??

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Are we there yet?

So it's getting closer to Doctor day here and I am dying to know whats going on. I really hope they tell us that day because another $200 trip to the big city is just not something I am looking forward to, which sounds pretty shitty, I mean I would go no problem, and more than the expense I just want to know what's going on! Please don't make us wait to find out!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

So we got in...


I emailed the neurologist the results from the MRI, well at least the dictation and they moved our appointment up, not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I know one thing we should hopefully know something soon. Now the other side of this weird issue is that M has a sudden severe case of the dropsies, in the course of a week she has broken 4 plates, 1 vase, dropped 3 bottles of water, a few pieces of pizza and some more things I can't remember. The silver lining is that I hate the plates so maybe by the time the hubster gets home I will be ready to get a whole new set. To say I am worried would be putting it mildly, I have a case of butterflies that just will not go away. The irritating part is that there is probably nothing wrong and I will have worried for nothing. This is what I do though, I worry before it's time to worry. I do this with every aspect of my life. It's pretty damn annoying for everyone around me.

In another news... I'm broke...I just wish there would be a time in my life here I could just relax and not worry about money, this is not that time though. I need a raise, but I would just spend that too.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Like a ton of bricks

So I picked up M's MRI transcription today, and yep it scared the shit out of me when I read it. This whole thing sucks, hopefully we can get into the neurologist soon!

Beautiful Girl


So, life really does have a funny way of bringing you back down to Earth. A few weeks ago my beautiful daughter had an MRI done because she has been having these very unusual movement headaches, it's almost vertigo like but not, they last long enough that she needs to sit out of what she was doing or just sit down, she no longer can run with her friends or go skating or playing soccer or attend her dance classes. Well I called about a week and half ago to see if the results were back and I was told no. Yesterday on the way home from dropping my sister off at the airport our pediatrician called and apologized for not calling sooner but the MRI results had been lost and they didn't realize it (love Army health care) our pediatrician who I really love, said that they did see spot on the MRI. I think I stopped breathing for a minute, he's not sure what it is and neither was the radiologist we have to go to see a neurologist soon. I really thought it was all hormones, and yes I know it may be nothing, but against all my better judgment I can't help but be worried to death and won't stop until we know what's going on. She is my beautiful girl with the amazing smile that has never stopped taking my breath away.

Monday, March 17, 2008

This is how I roll


So it seems I have a high probability of moving again, and for once I am slightly sad about the whole thing. I like here, I don't think it's where I want to live forever, but I am genuinely happy with the environment I've create for myself. I guess my honest feeling is that if I can't be back in Europe for now then I can live wherever "they" decide to move us.

D.C. may be an option, this sounds pretty great to me, usually though when they say things like D.C.'s an option we'll end up in a rather crappy part of the country like Ft Polk Louisiana or somewhere equally as terrible. The only problem with D.C. is that my husband thinks he may be too old for what they would want him to do there. Am I telling him he's not to old for my benefit or his?